


Remus Doesn't Swear (In fact, he barely speaks)

by iridescent_blue



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Swearing, They're in like second or third year or smth, for americans: reMUS HAS A STUTTER, remus has a stammer, why is it called a stammer us americans call it a stutter, yeah third year
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-24
Updated: 2017-05-24
Packaged: 2018-11-04 13:54:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10992285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iridescent_blue/pseuds/iridescent_blue
Summary: Remus has a stammer. A bad one. On top of that, he doesn't swear.However, when you stub your toe, life flips on its head and things don't go as planned.(Alternatively: James and Sirius hear Remus swear for the first time.)





	Remus Doesn't Swear (In fact, he barely speaks)

Remus Lupin has a stammer. He can barely make it through one full sentence without stuttering. At Hogwarts, this is generally regarded as a negative trait, due to the large amount of stress on properly enunciating spells. Remus, however, can cast spells just fine, except it takes a bit more time to get through it and level out his voice. None of his friends, even James, tease him about it, but he hears snickers from the Slytherins in the room every time he messes up (he has to restrain himself from non-verbally hexing them at the nearest opportunity). He's just a pale, scrawny kid who happens to be a werewolf but still can't fight for shit. 

Remus stammers whenever he answers questions, whenever he asks for help on something, even when conversing with his friends. 

Nobody has heard him swear in his short time at Hogwarts. James and Sirius love to (something about relieving stress), and Peter will let out the occasional ‘fuck’, but Remus never swears. He's had it drilled into his head that it is rude and vulgar, so he avoids the outbursts. 

That goes to say, Remus knows a  _ lot _ of curse words, possibly more than James or Sirius, who know more than they can count. He’s never sworn in front of them, even though they ask him to tell them what he knows. 

So, when Remus is just minding his own business in their dorm, packing up for winter break, he thinks he's alone. 

He's not. 

James and Sirius crept back into the dorm when he went out to the bathroom and decided to hide behind the curtains and scare him when he came back in. 

Their plan failed. 

Remus returns from the bathroom, carrying various things he kept in there (he's going home the next day and this is his only tube of toothpaste) when he stubs his big toe on the bed frame. 

“Jesus fucking christ! Ow! Oh, my holy fucking shit oh my god what the hell what the fuck was that oh my holy fuck that hurt goddamnit this bed is a fucking bitch!” There is not even an echo of a stammer in his words, clean and fast and quickly turning the air blue from all the swearing. Remus hops around on one foot, toothpaste abandoned on the floor, clutching his foot. “Ow ow ow Jesus that hurts like hell oh my god what the fuck ow what the shit why was my bed there holy fuck ouch that hurt bloody hell with a Hail Mary on the side,” he pauses, looking up to see two shocked faces, one of which is his recently acquired boyfriend, Sirius. The other is James. They sit in silence as Remus slowly releases his foot and picks up his toothpaste. 

They start to clap, long and slow, expressions of awe on their faces because  _ Remus Lupin, the boy with a stammer so bad that he barely talks just let out the most eloquent string of curse words known to man.  _

Needless to say, Remus gets pretty comfortable swearing. Everybody enjoys it, and when someone hears him swear, they get very excited.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> ayyyyyyyyy I'm not dead and the world is still spinning so life is good
> 
> I took down one of my other stories cause I hated it but I'll put it back up... eventually
> 
> enjoy a oneshot I wrote while in a doctor's office and just edited today
> 
> Comments and kudos are always and forever appreciated (hey maybe I'll give the other marauders speech impediments if people like this one so watch out for that)
> 
> Have a lovely day <3


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